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28 May 2011 @ 09:04 pm
Wiscon  
I'm at wiscon this weekend, having a great time talking about feminism (in all its forms), science fiction, and fandom. I'm taking a little time out at the moment to recharge my social batteries with the hotel cable, and in a few minutes I'm going to head down to the Tiptree Auction and the Think Galacticon party. The panels have all been really interesting, and I couldn't find better company. I especially loved the vid party last night and the vid panel this afternoon. I need to start watching more vids.

I love talking about sci fi and fandom, and this is such an energetic, welcoming environment, but sustained socializing is hard for me. I built up a tolerance in my retail management days, but it's been almost a year now since I stepped down from my job to go to grad school. My old anxiety/panic reaction has slowly been creeping back. I'm good with one-on-one and very calm, laid back groups, but very large groups of people and very active, sustained conversation wears me out. After a while, no matter how much I like the people and environment, I start to get sort of...brittle. I haven't had a panic attack in a while, but I've had the lead-up symptoms a few times. Not here, thank god. I've been pretty good here, and I'm taking care to get some time to myself when I need it, but I'm more and more conscious of the threat of having a panic attack. Which, yes, I've studied cognitive behavioral therapy, I know how to create an automatic thought log and trace my irrational thoughts down through my intermediate beliefs, etc...whatever. I hate CBT.

Anyway. I'm posting extemporaneously, apparently.

I need to get downstairs. There are vegan baked goods at the Think Galacticon party, and fuck if I'm going to let my anxiety stand between me and vegan cookies. Right? Right!